Too much to handle.
Last night I had a very upsetting call from a friend. I won't go into specific details, but she had tried to kill herself shortly before the call.
This is upsetting enough alone, but she had called me earlier yesterday asking if I wanted to grab a cup of coffee with her. I had told her I had already plans to picnic with Love, but I would love to have that coffee the next day. She said she needed to talk, but she didn't sound so alarming. In fact, she often does call to talk and I usually listen, knowing that talking about stuff often makes it easier to handle. But there was nothing really out of the ordinary yesterday, so there was no way I could have known. But IF I had known, I would of course ran right over to her.
So, 95% of me is just real worried about her. The other 5% is pissed because I feel responsible. I don't need that. I've had a quite traumatic experience similar to this where the person actually succeeded in their atempt (not going into details here either, simply because I can't). I'm still struggling with handling that, so this whole new ordeal is just another burden to that.
Thank everything holy my friend realized in the last minute what she had done and called someone! And she's being taken to a ward now to be looked after, so I hope they'll manage to patch her up somewhat. At least patch her up enough to make her realize that ending it all isn't the solution.
It's so damn frustrating to know a friend you care about having such problems. I mean, we all have our own demons to deal with, but knowing how much pain a friend is and realizing that you can't do much about it... to me, that's horrible. If someone I care for is suffering, I want to make it better somehow. I always take it very personal when I can't. But sometimes it is impossible to make things better, sometimes it's too much to handle...
It's so upsetting... I am very upset now, in fact, so upset I have no idea if this post makes any sense at all.
But I'm not the one needing sympathy, she is. I just hope she'll get the help she needs.
